Wednesday, November 10, 2010

No baby *sad*

So we're out of the running for another month.

I'm not patient at all. When I decide to do something it's often a let's-do-this-now-because-if-I-have-to-wait-I-won't-bother kind of things. When the hubby and I started trying seven months ago, we said we weren't really"trying" we were just gonna go with the flow and see what happens. That of course was before I didn't get pregnant in month one. Little by little each month I get my hopes up and then they fall and shatter into a million jagged pieces. I'm now getting depressed about it. I'm convinced I'm doing something wrong, or maybe the universe just doesn't think I deserve a baby and it will never happen.

We're not against adopting as a last resort if we really can't have a biological child. I know from experience that I can have a very strong bond with a child and I know that if we adopted we would enter into it knowing that the baby is *our* baby, through and through. But I want my own. I feel like I'm a horrible person even saying it, but it's true. I want the whole experience, being pregnant, having nine months to bond before I even get to meet the little person.

I just wish there was some way to just know! Like, if I could simply order a pregnancy... Win online tracking capability and all so I know exactly when to expect it.

It's almost the majority of women that I work with that are pregnant... And that's not helping in the slightest. Going in every day and hearing about morning sickness and all the over symptoms and just wishing I could be the one getting no sleep and throwing up all night. Bah.

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