I had an ultrasound today.
First, I had to have a full bladder, which I was prepared for... and then they made me wait over an hour in the waiting room.. I was not quite prepared for that. How do you prepare for that?
Once I went in (after being told that my husband could join us at the end of the appointment), I was told 8 seperate times, that I'm fat. I'm fully aware that I'm fat, I really don't need to be reminded that often.
I was told that my "padding" was the problem. That she had to push so hard because my "extra weight" was making it difficult for her. That some women's "pouch" is just a bit thicker than others, which is "nothing to be ashamed of" (I wasn't.. until now). I was told that "thicker" women sometimes don't have their children diagnosed with defects early enough because it is so hard to see a clear image. That sometimes, because they have to "push past the extra layers" that the image is sometimes too squished to show things correctly. and she repeated some of the above a few times.
Not only did she say all of this after laying me down and saying "this is a long scan, don't talk" but she then proceeded to huff and puff and sigh deeply every few seconds. She furrowed her brow repeatedly. I asked her if she could tell me anything and she said "no" no explanation.. just no. I said "can you at least tell me if the heart is beating.. or let me hear it?" (which I was allowed to do at the last ultrasound) and she again, said "no".. for clarification, I said "so you can't even tell me if my baby is alive?" "no. talk to your doctor for results"
thanks for nothing... oh wait.. no, thanks for making me think of every possible thing that could be wrong.. and dwell on it, for a fucking week until my doctor gets the results. I feel like dying.