so Des doesn't latch very well, and my milk supply is low. both of these things make feedin incredibly frustrating for the both of us. I end up in tears and he just screams until we get him some formula. I feel like an absolute failure.
I'm trying to feed him at least every two hours, and following all of the advice that I've been given regarding increasing my milk supply.. but nothing seems to be working.
In the hospital, when I was asking when we would be able to go home, I was told that the criteria for discharge included a successful latch, twice. I argued, and explained that I don't understand how that's possible. Some women don't want to breastfeed at all, some want to pump and bottle feed breastmilk, some women aren't physically able for whatever reason.. who the fuck has the right to judge any of those decisions? certainly not the bloody hospital. I was so upset, because I already felt like I"m a horrible mum, and then she said "we need to make sure the child will be fed" I was livid. I wanted to punch her in the face.. but I didn't, because that would likely get the police involved.. and I just really wanted to go home! I told her, firmly... not rudely.. that he had bottle fed formule four times, 1 oz each time in the past 14 hours, he had been satisfied with that amount and had had two bowel movements and two wet diapers in that time. He was definitely getting the nutrition he required.. she said she would discuss the situation with the chief nurse and get back to me. 18 hours later, we were discharged.
I will likely not be going back to that hospital with the next one. I felt disregarded.. and intimmidated by people with very obvious biases about certain things.
I suffer from depression and decided with my doctor that I would continue with my very low dose of anti-anxiety medication throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding, as a depressed mum will likely have far more issues. There was one nurse who told me that Des was twitching because he was "looking for your [my] medicine" .. this was after I heard her discussing my "case" with someone in the hall outside my room and saying "the kid has the shakes why would she want to leave?"
i left very upset and feeling like I was doing all the wrong things. I hadn't slept in a VERY long time, because the family that we were sharing a room with were incredibly loud and would not stop playing music all through the night. I feel slightly better now that I have him home and I feel like I'm capable of keeping him alive.. but still feel like I was treated like I don't know what I'm doing, when no one bothered to ask if I have any experience with children, or .. well.. anything really. They treated me as though I knew nothing, and argued with just about everything I said, yet they knew nothing about me and didn't bother to determine whether I knew anything before treating me like that.
oh well, I won't be going back, so that's fine.. I just hope that they don't treat everyone like that, and maybe I just got every nurse that was in a bad mood that day.